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August 24, 2010

The Bursting of a Virgin Blogger's Cherry (disgusting!)

The Cherry of A Virgin Blogger - Jason Schwary
Okay fine, I admit it! I’m strange, weird, sometimes crazy, neurotic, or is it narcissistic? I always seem to get those two words mixed up. And to add to it, I’m very obsessive compulsive.  No, I don’t suffer from the “real” O.C.D., but I am what I said before. That part is true.  
Throughout the course of a “normal” day I suffer from such extreme routine that even before I get out of the shower I’ve already committed five solid acts of routine.  Once I’m outside the shower, it gets even better.  I always start by shaking my head like a Labrador, I figure it gets rid of the excess water from the hair that sits on the top of my head. Then I squeegee down my body with my hands, always starting with my left arm first, then right, over the chest down to my belly button, then both hands over my left leg, top to bottom, followed by the right leg.  This exact same routine is repeated, except this time with a towel that will stay much drier after I’m finished.  The way I figure, it will equate to less laundry over the long run. That’s always my intention at least.  
As if my morning hasn’t already started off with enough sublime perfection of daily routine, it gets much better.  I mean, knowing exactly what to do and when to do it makes a lot of sense. It leaves out the need to think, which in turn leaves me more time to daydream and exist in my own world for that much longer.
About five to seven minutes later, I begin to dress myself underwear first, followed by socks, important to note left then right, then pants, again left then right, shirt, this time right then left, and lastly my shoes, left then right.  Never different, always the same! Okay, for sure it makes good sense to do the shoes last, right? Of course!  Because at least this way it will make me feel like solid logic is behind me and it won’t make me feel as bad as it did when I blatantly admitted to being obsessive compulsive!  
The grand charade continues, albeit at a later point in the day! While shopping at the grocery store I always start at the opposite end of the fruit & vegetable isle. Or do they call it a “section”? Maybe it’s called the fruit & vegetable “section” because it’s a bit more open and less formulaic? Or maybe because it has something to do with it being the only isle, i mean section, in the entire place where we tolerate fluctuating food prices? As for me, the whole idea of fluctuating food prices throws me off of my routine.  I wonder if that’s the reason why I always decide not to start way over there? I know, it has to be because I feel forced to make decisions which in turn violates me because I’m not allowed to exercise my own discretion as to when and where I personally choose to think.  No, that’s not it! This is it! It’s because I’m scared of stacking anything on top of my strawberries. Yeah, who wants to spend $4 on perfect strawberries if they’re mashed by the time they make it to the top of a perfectly assemble Strawberry Shortcake?  I preferred the frozen food isle. It’s always cool, always consistent and always predictable...first Stouffer’s, then Lean Cuisine.  Yummy made simple!
The final self-deprecating admission that I can rightfully bear to make (for now), concerns my drive to work.  Like all drives to work they normally entail one route that takes less time and less gas, hence “the” drive to work.  Despite this obvious statement, I consistently take one particular route that requires more time, more gas, and yes, more traffic. I know! Who on God’s Good Earth would ever choose more traffic?!  And on top of it, it certainly isn’t too “green” of me to do so!, I’m semi conscious that this may seem odd, but sitting in traffic makes me feel happy knowing that I have a few more precious minutes all to myself. Time for me to think on my own before having to do so for others, especially when it’s for 12 to 15 hours!  Accounting and finance can be a bitch. Check that! Accounting and finance “is” a bitch!
Based on the last sentence of the paragraph above, the one where i said, “Accounting and finance is a bitch”, is directly related to why I maintain a steadfast routine of working out at the gym every Monday, Wednesday and Friday; like clockwork.  Side note: now-a-days it’s not for the same reason that it used to be during my blissful days as a Villanova “frat” boy.  For during those days of my life it was only about obtaining the perfect ratio of size vs. definition.  But now? Well, for as long as I can possibly remember it’s been for what the “industry” has labeled “stress management”. I mean, why else would a perfectly educated guy from Villanova elect to go round-and-round-and-round like a guinea pig on something they call an “elliptical machine” for 60 minutes? Now there’s an extremely ambitious euphemism if i’ve ever heard one!  Ssshit.
Speaking of shit...In this exact moment I find myself at the precipice of a six month odyssey that will take me through the heart & soul of the far & away, South East Asia.  Between you and me, I’m slightly concerned.  There’ll be a lot of routines to be broken! The comfort of which I typically survive my daily self will be pulled from under me and everything I encounter will be different, sometimes strange but always unpredictable.  Maybe sort of like that frustrating fruit & vegetable isle, i mean section, I mean isle.  Whatever.  Grrr!
For those who know me a little more than just this opening entry to my new blog, know that I have most of what it will takes to survive such an odyssey.  But the truth is, when the next 183 days of my life will be 100% void of any routine whatsoever, then it stands to reason that any such guarantee is impossible.  Sort of like back in the late 1990’s when you were promised a guaranteed 15% annual growth rate on the mutual funds you bought! Familiar??
Ok, back to what I was trying to get at, and let me make this crystal clear.  The only routine i’ll be a victim of over the next 1/2 year of my life is...having no routine.
My hope is that you’ll check in with me from time to time, just to see how it’s going. I do ask nicely, however, that you refrain from making a habit out of it.  I’m adamant you refrain from making any sort of routine where the primary emphasis of my blog will be the converse.  
So that it! We’re off and running. It should be a wild ride! One filled with adventure, fun, humor, insight, ups, downs, and a truckload of stories and memories for mine and my beautiful fiancee’s children’s children...and oh yeah, a homage to everything extraordinary and all things resilient to being labeled r-o-u-t-i-n-e  :-)

Now I need a glass of water...
((Content for this blog will involve the written word, photography, videography, and various forms of mixed media))


  1. Yo Jas,

    Gonna be fun following you around Asia. I wish you great success with Vicarious Adventure.

    Mark, Cambalandia

  2. Thanks Mark! p.s. very, very happy for you that you found your way back to "Cambalandia"...always thought though you were more of a "colla" ;)
    please stay in touch...I may need that "focus" once in a blue moon. i imagine you are doing great. paz amigo. y amor, felicidad, y mucha cerveza tambien!